KRRISH

Not seen the MI series? Missed out watching Crouching Tiger hidden dragon? Were you out of town when Matrix was playing in theatres???? FRET NOT PEOPLE, JUST WATCH KRISHHH....

It was heart warming for a Hollywood buff like me to see a whole lot of my favorite movies, all put into the blender and churned together to bring out this story of our young hero Krishna(er...back home in the US of A, thats KRISHH folks...so kindly adjushht)

Apart from the above-mentioned movies, the director of this film has successfully mooched off the creations found in several other famous Hollywood flicks (flicks??? hahaha….how appropriate)...here are some that I could identify immediately... Spiderman, Superman, Batman, He-man, Cat wo-man...(ok ok basically all English movies ever made with a suffix of "man"), Robin Hood, Notting Hill, Ghost, Rambo, ET, Twins, flashes of Tom and Jerry, Total Recall, Close encounters of the 3rd kind and last but not the least, Rainman (this being attributed to the fact that Hritik Roshan acts like a juvenile delinquent for 3/4th of the movie...readers please note that the remainder is comprised of songs, Priyanka Chopra's pretty face all over the screen and of course the best part of the movie, the 15 minute interval).....

P.S. This is an incomplete list…


The plot…..

Inspired by Shaktimaan, this flick starts of in a small little hole-in-the-wall-outfit village amidst sprawling countryside in the middle of Nowhere-ville(North India P.O. 666-666). Within the confines of a well furnished room, an evidently overfed kid of around 10 years, bulging at his seams(lets just call him Chubbs ok?), is answering advanced calculus questions posed to him by an interview panel comprising of an equally overfed Headmaster and other overfed fillers...I must laud the casting crew of this movie because at this point of time, instead of being mentally tortured by the pathetic screenplay, most people in the audience were watching in amazement as to how the kid was able to balance his large orb like figure on a tiny bench, holding a pencil in one hand and even look remotely intelligent at the same time.(I hope they nominate the kid for the Oscars and I hope his parents don't read this). Anyways, the panel which our young Chubbs is facing just cant believe it either as everyone, is looking dazed in this scene.(maybe they are wondering why they have stooped so low as to accept the role….but that's just a maybe!)

The scene ends abruptly as an old Rekha (oxymoron??) comes running into the scene, crying her eyes out.(yes people…a record 4 tonnes of glycerin was used in the making of this film) She pulls the boy, her grandson, away from his chair (which heaves a silent sigh of relief) and runs away from town for some reason I couldn't catch (no people, I'm not kidding…this really happens).

In a span of 10 minutes after this, Chubbs who also happens to be strong like his cousin (superman), transforms from a "ball" of energy into strong young man with a bulging 6 pack (was it 8? I didn't count…looked like plastic anyway), muscles oozing out of his ears and other special effects.

Enter Hritik Roshan:(Note: girls and gays in the audience started whistling here… most guys had passed out in boredom by now). Our man enters the movie dressed not very differently from Rambo is Afghanistan, only difference being he is challenging a malnourished horse (painted white for the movie) in a "who-do-you-think-will-gallop-home-first" sprint. Crouching tigers, hidden dragons, a malnourished black horse painted white, birds in the back ground, Hritik Roshan…all wonderful beasts of nature in this scene…really well done…kudos to the computer animation team. Since this a Hindi movie, I won't waste everyone's time in saying who wins the race to Hritik's house where daadi darling has just cooked him breakfast.

The scene at home is a pleasant one. Rekha by now is an older woman(hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha……) and she just loves her darling ( formally introduced as chubbs…I would have renamed him "Hulk Hogan" but the bovine look, which never seems to leave his peach for the next 2 hours made me change my mind)…the movie moves along painfully for another 10 minutes in this fashion pushing the audience to believe that this could just be a grandma-grandson saga.( Note: Everyone in the theatre was getting really fidgety when the director unleashed yet another of those cards from under his huge sleeves.)

WHAM…Enter Priyanka Chopra, a young, pretty, ambitious Indian girl on vacation, "flies" into the picture (literally) (Note: the above mentioned "almost dead" guys in the audience were all up now….bring out the pop corn boys!)
For some reason, the director has made Priyanka (aka Chumpa, aka Priya) live in Singapore.* Thankfully, Priya's father in no more (one character less…hip hip hurrah) and the only people in her life are her mother and her inseparable best friend "Honey" (take this with a BIG figurative pinch of salt here).

Back to the scene, Priya and "Honey"(the very thought of that character makes me grimace and shudder) are down in Nowhere-ville for a trek with a whole other group of sidekicks including a mentally retarded Chimp of an instructor who's only role in the movie is to act like an idiot. There is a lot of fun and frolic, songs, games and dancing around trees in the next few scenes much like other Hindi films worth their salt. There is also a whole lot of leaping from mountaintops, fishing with bare hands, "playing ghost", volleyball and tug of war unlike other movies for no extra charge (please don't fall for the bait)

I apologize to my readers here but at this very moment, I blacked out. For the next half an hour or so, I was unconscious. But when I came to, the whole scene had moved to Singapore. My friends filled me in with what I missed after the movie ended (much against my protests that I DIDN'T want to know). Here’s what I missed… I believe Hritik falls in love with Priyanka (surprise surprise?) but she has to get back to Singapore cos mummy lives there…

That's when Honey's real role begins and she being the bitch that she is, manipulates innocent Priyanka, who is oh so confused, to trick our beloved village bumpkin into coming to Singapore, by making her say that she loves him.(visions of Julia Roberts' famous Notting Hill lines come floating to memory)
As a net result, Hritik drops everything including Daadi, who tries all the tricks in the book starting from emotional black mail to bribing him with extra Gulab Jaamoons for dessert, to dissuade him going to that evil place(i.e. Singapore). Alas, her thick skinned grandson is too deep into Priya’s web now so one ton of glycerin down the line, he dons his deceased fathers suit and heads for the airport just like how George of the Jungle moved to New York.

Our man reaches Singapore (much to the delight of the Singaporeans, who declared a national holiday in his honor)…Here the director runs out of Hollywood movies to copy. So he dabbles with something he has never done before…INNOVATIVENESS…(let me NOT mention that he makes a complete mess of it…) So with some neat kung foo, great biking and AWWWWWWWWWWESOME stunts(did I overdo that?) he pushes the torture for another 30 minutes…Then FINALLY….after 2 hours or cranial damage, something happens…. He becomes a cartoo…er….SUPER HERO…..whopeeeeee!!!!…..like all self respecting super heroes, our man saves a little girl from SURE death. He rescues her from a circus fire (apparently someone in the circus audience couldn’t take his clowning anymore and set himself ablaze so that he could sooth the pain he was going through….May his soul rest in peace) In no time Hritik (can I call I'm riTHICK?) becomes a NATIONAL HERO (not in real life of course) …and since all heroes wear a mask, he too starts sporting a cool one**.

And when you thought that it JUUUUST CANT GET WORSE, it does. Out of nowhere, references to Hritik’s father, also acted by Hritik, who was believed to have kicked the bucket long ago start coming in. (so instead of one retard, we have 2 now) (Note: This is when realization dawned and I figured out that this movie was actually a sequel to another disaster by the name of Koi Murr Gaya(was it Koi Mil Gaya? Whatever…), which unlike this subtly done movie(yeah right!), was a DIRECT lift from ET. At this stage, people at the theatre started moving out in disgust…some of them made it to the door by foot while most of them fell half way to the door. Some loved ones were carried out while the others in coma, were stretchered out later )

Epilogue of KMG: Hritiks father who was equally powerful as him (read EQUALLY MIND NUMBINGLY STUPID) was stupid enough to be kidnapped by the movies saving grace (Nasir u din shah) , an evil scientist who wants to rule the world. He captures Hritiks Sr. just after KMG ends and asks him to make a machine that can help one see into the future…defying all laws of physics and making flicks like Star Wars look like bad mistakes, he actually creates the machine. Its only then when he sees into the future and sees how cruel the big bad world is…infact, one of the dialogues are so funny, even I laughed…He calls his mummy(Rekha Daadi) up weeping saying “maa yey duniya bahut burraah hai maa”. The tears in my eyes were genuine though!

In his quest to procure a machine that can see into the future, Shah(whos screen name I cant recollect now) has kept Sr. HR in captivity to preserve his retina and heart rate which is used as a password to access this machine(One wonders that if technology has reached such a stage, where one can see into the future, why worry about a bloody retina scan!!!). The machine is as large as the room and has cool digital displays and Total Recall type hand dials. A very famous quote comes to mind here…someone once said If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism - if you steal from many, it's RESEARCH...if you take the analogy to movies, our director has done TONS AND TONS OF RESEARCH!!!

Anyway…back to the movie…Being the model bad guy whose butt has to be kicked in the end, Shahs wait for 20 years comes to an end, and he finally logs into the machine. Much to his dismay, he sees his butt getting kicked in the future and doesn’t like it one bit. So to counter that, he goes around killing people who he suspects to be Krrish (remember that mask I was talking about?...THATS what saves the real Krrish)

From here on, it becomes a normal Hindi movie again. Jealousy, betrayal, hatred, love, melodrama, glycerin, evil, revenge and stupidity are the key words that come rushing to mind… The climax of the movie is dramatic. The good dude kicks the bad dudes butt, rescues his father, saves the world and everybody lives happily ever after…

The movie ends in a desperate attempt by the director to prolong the agony into a part 3. Apparently he was not happy with the number of people that died watching his earlier film in theatres. This(he admits) is a good attempt but this never say live director will never give up! I would just like to say that I am thankful to my friends and relatives for being so supportive and by my side throughout the film…had they not have bought the ticket for me, I would have definitely jumped off the balcony myself!


* Why Singapore? Because in a closely contested bid for "we want Bollywood in our city", Singapore edged out most European Capitals, American cities, Sydney, Melbourne and Shanghai…(the list is endless really)…for this prestigious event. Apparently, the free entertainment for the people around the sets of Indian films in these cities is being promised in election campaigns these days!



** 10 Advantages of wearing a mask

1) He doesn't look as stupid any more
2) He doesn't look as stupid any more
3) He doesn't look as stupid any more
4) He doesn't look as stupid any more
5)His promise to daadi to remain as anonymous as possible(perhaps because she is ashamed of him) is taken care off….)
6) He doesn't look as stupid any more
7) He doesn't look as stupid any more
8) He doesn't look as stupid any more
9) He doesn't look as stupid any more
And ofcourse
10) He doesn't look as stupid any more…