Barabankied!

As we walk into the 2nd decade of of the 21st century, a lot of India is still how it used to be a 100 years ago.

Very recently, I got a chance to see interior India! I was sent to do a market research in this place called Barabanki which happens to be 30 km away from the UP State capital of Lucknow. The reason why I was sent there is immaterial to this blog. I did my work like I had planned to but what stood out was the fact that being only 30 km from a city like Lucknow, Barabanki doesnt seem to have progressed much.

I reached the place at 11 in the morning and to my shock I was told that the market had "just opened" for the day. So I kept quiet and started off with my research immediately. At around 1 in the afternoon, I decided to check into a Hotel. To my dismay, I was told that Barabanki didnt have hotels! So I set out to find a certain "Tourist Lodge" - a name I had come across on the web while I was researching about the place.

On reaching Tourist Lodge, I realised that it was a small 2 storey building (semi pukka construction) which had never seen a coat of paint. On inquiring whether the establishment owned an AC, I was told that they had "a" fan but the power supply was very erratic. I know I had asked a stupid question in the first place but at 48 degrees in the sun, an AC was all that I could think of. (Actually, fleeting images of a cool swimming pool with a Long Island ice tea waiting for me at the pool side also crossed my mind but I was a little pessimistic considering the surroundings)

I asked the proprietor(an obese unshaven bloke with red paan stained teeth) where I could find an AC with a room attached. After 3-4 seconds of deep thought and chewing and sucking to juices out of that paan in his mouth, I was asked to try "The Reshidancy Laaj". Hmmmm... That sounded nicer didnt it?

So I took a U-turn and headed in the general direction of the Residency Lodge. On reaching the location I was relieved to find out that it was a proper pukka building. (Never thought I would be so happy seeing a normal house). So I checked into their "best" room which the owner claimed, had an AC. Sure it did - Brand new 1956 model - oh and it worked too. Hallelujah

And in all this excitement I had forgotten that all electrical devices had one thing in common - they ran on ELECTRICITY!

The biggest mistake I made was taking an AC room simply because the fan wasnt working and there was no electricity for 18 hours that day! So one can only imagine the misery I went through!

It is then when it struck me that we take so many things for granted in cities. Yes, we curse and abuse the government when we have 1 hour powercuts, we crib when our electricity bills are so high - what we dont realise is, WE HAVE ELECTRICITY!

On the Second day of my trip, with 2 and half hours of sleep behind me, we went on a market visit around Barabanki. Boy... And I thought I had seen it all (or a lot more than what I actually have!!!)...For starters, lets just say that Barabanki was like Beverly Hills compared to its surrounding areas. Moving on, I know now, how girls in Delhi feel. LETCHED AT! For some reason, everywhere we went, I was getting stared at. I got so conscious, that I finally sat in front with the driver. (Let me just add that the staring didnt stop).

To think that we see a lot of poverty at traffic lights in cities would be huge misconception as I have never seen such poor people in my life. Funnily, they have all accepted the fact and live each day as it comes. Electricity or the lack of it doesnt bother them. What they fear most is that they might not get their only meal in the day. Village after village, nothing changed. I stopped frequently, to enquire about people's "thanda tel" application habits(The subject of my research) and everywhere, the answer was the same - "Humare paas khaane ke liye paisa nahi hai bhai sahib. Thanda tel jab kharidte hai, hum ye soch ke kharidte hai ki isse lagate lagate humaare din ki pareshaaniyaan bhool jayenge. Chaine ki neend soyenge" This might be great news for "Thanda tel" manufacturers but this really moved me.

Another thing I learnt almost immediately was the value of ONE rupee. Gosh does it go far or what. At one point, I felt hungry. So we stopped the car at this decent looking place (Read: it was covered, they had plastic cups and the onion pakodas were smelling good). I ordered 2-3 plates of pakodas and tea for the driver and myself. Soon as we had tucked into the savories and finished our tea, the owner suggested that we try his Samosas as well. He said he would fry a fresh batch just for us. I was hungry (I repeat) so I agreed to his proposition. The samosas there must have been small because between the driver and myself, we finished 9 of them. They were heavenly.

Then came the time where I had to settle the bill - A princely 19 Rupees!!!..A buck each for those samosas and 4 for a plate of pakodas with the tea on the house..... I was shocked into silence. I slipped that man 3 ten rupee notes and asked him to keep the change and I could almost see the tears in his eyes.

When we drove away, I asked the driver why the man had given us the tea (in those mutka containers) on the house as he could have easily charged for them as well. To this, he joked that perhaps the owner believed that anyone who got so much money into his house was a lucky charm - a guest of honour - and to charge for tea would be like an insult.

He laughed after that... but I didnt... How can such poor people be so generous? Why do we relatively rich people crib so much? Why is it that we are unhappy when most of the people who I saw that day seemed content? is it because they dont show it on their faces? Why do we waste food? why dont we value money? ......

These were some of the questions that haunted me all the way back to Lucknow and on my flight back to Delhi... I was going to find it difficult to sleep that night so as soon as I got out of the airport and got into a taxi, I stopped at the nearest paan waala

Yes - I bought a one rupee Sachet of "Thanda tel" - And boy did it give me a "chaine ka neend" that night!

A little more about me......General gas...

Anyone who knows me well enough will definitely know that food, Hollywood and sport constitute a large part of my life. So here is a blog about some of the things that people might not normally know about me.....

1) All roads lead to............Ro...errr......a restaurant: It has been established on numerous occasions in the past, that food is an integral part of my life (as clearly mentioned in the first line)... But I take this fact a little too far. I have a friend by the name of Deepa, who always makes fun of the way I give directions... She says that ALL LANDMARKS that I give are invariably restaurants and coffee shops or some institution connected directly or indirectly to food! So if a normal person would say "go straight down MG road and take a right at the huge rounder....", I would say "Get on to MG road... You'll pass Tandoor and BBQ nation on the way. Keep going till you see Wimpy's on the left... then take a right...If you get to Coffee Day, you've gone too far"........!!!

2) Another thing that is very characteristic of me is the way I beat around the bush. If anything can be said directly, I will keep going on and on... like the Energiser Bunny on a tangent. Which is why, during the 2 years of my MBA course, whenever we needed to stretch a presentation, that was left to me!... I would talk about anything and everything and buy time....Especially subjects like CSR and Consumer Behaviour  where we had difficult teachers who would have clauses like "each group has to give a presentation for AT LEAST half an hour"... this when the essence of the presentation could be delivered in 3 and a half minutes - that too by eloquent chaps like Atal Bihari Vajpayee in his element who could tranquilise a virile ox in half a minute...

3) Oh... Since I have given such an elaborate analogy, it would be appropriate to mention here that I am FAMOUS for giving such analogies. I guess this is something that someone who is a regular reader of my blog would figure out.. But none the less, this is for the benefit of someone who has chanced it for the first time.

4) Procrastination is another of my favorite pastimes.... Trust me when I say that I started this blog 2 weeks ago!!!. I couldn't seem to be able to complete it (as it is about me you see!!) so I kept pushing it further behind without completing it... This trait has got me into trouble MANY a times. Submissions, household chores, haircut Sundays, duty visits to relatives... oh the LIST goes on.. 

5) Talking about lists... A majority of things that I say are heavily embedded with a whole lot of shit that normal people don't bother looking up - Trivia. I wont say I'm a quizzer. In fact, I'm far from a quizzer. But if someone were to ask me to give them a list of the 5 most feared people in the history of humanity, I would rattle the top5 in an instant. Lists have been things that have always got me to sit up and think. The List of people with the highest recorded (or estimated) IQs (which btw, is headed by an English chiropractor who's name I don't recollect followed by 2 of the greatest musicians - Mozart and Beethoven -  known to mankind in the top 10), or List of the countries that could blow up the World in 1975, 1985... and so on...or List of the most famous gangsters known to mankind...List of sporting events with the highest TRPs......AAAAAAAARGH .....The lists go on and I cant get enough of them... The reason for this, I guess, is attributed to the way my father (probably one of the most glib talkers I have ever seen - a personification of the phrase "gift of the gab") speaks - Comparisons and lists.... A normal conversation about a seemingly harmless topic like say...mmm.. Tennis.... would invariably see you hearing him say something like "Mc Enroe had the greatest game followed by Borg, Cash and Connors in that order..."...This with an air of such confidence that even Jimmy Connors would believe that he was inferior to Bjorn Borg or John Mc Enroe.... whoa.. come on man.. I didn't ask for that.... Well.. that's what people think when I talk!!!

6) What else...mmmmmm... aaah... yes....Punctuality.... Its pretty ironic, but for a serial procrastinator, I follow German standard time when it comes to punctuality. I'm usually NEVER late.. as a result I HATE waiting....... There is a famous joke/saying which goes like this

"People who come in last(read: L.A.T.E) for a get together often have the MOST amount of fun".................... Very true shit...

7) Another one of my favorites apart from the usual suspects (i.e. Food, cricket and Hollywood) is music. Yes yes...  I have written a blog about my favorite 10 bands (a LIST again folks)... But something that even people who know me surely cannot fathom is the fact that I am absolutely infatuated by Western Classical music. Actually, I can even go as far as saying that I love good Indian classical music or better still fusion music(or PURE music... in the form unadulterated by a squeaky voice) . Though I wouldn't be able to name even ONE Indian artist to save my life, its the pure music which gives me high. Among the Western artists, my all time favorites are Beethoven, Bach, Mozart and Vivaldi (in that order)... sue me if I am boring you with another list! This form of music just calms me when I'm pissed off in/with life :D... There have been a numerous occasions when I shout/bang doors/abuse using family references/break things in a fit of rage (etc) and just calm down in a jiffy after a 20 minute session with the masters!....

8) I am superstitious to the bloody core. If it has been said that one must NOT break mirrors or cross the path of a black cat or walk under a ladder balanced against a wall (etcetra etcetra and the other Spanish girls).... I wont. Oh.. Believe me, there have been times when I have sat in the same god-damned position on a bloody sofa just because Sachin Tendulkar hit a boundary in a cricket match. 

9) And finally, this blog would be incomplete if I do no mention that I am a born PESSIMIST.  That too of the highest order (if there are orders of pessimism that is). "The bottle is HALF EMPTY".. is an attitude that I have always carried off with seemless ease. A simple explanation for this is that I believe that it is better to not hope for too much in life simply because if it doesn't match up to what you wished for, you will be disappointed. For instance, right from the beginning, I don't believe that too many people will read this blog even though it will make me happy if a lot of people read it. But when a lot of people message/mail/scrap/comment about it, it makes me happy simply because I wasn't expecting too much of a response.

On that happy note, I shall sign off for the night. I hope I have not bored you people with too much of gas. But hey, this is what has been taught to us in the last 2 years!

Good night...

Hurray by Toutatis....

Ive been writing blogs (note: I DIDN'T start with "I've been blogging") for a 2-3 years now so its pretty strange that I have not written anything about one of my favorite pastimes - ASTERIX. I am so fond of this comic that if I recollect correctly, it was the first thing I ever read in my life. It so happens that my Dad too, happens to be a huge fan of the series. So my dear Mother (very far sighted woman) bought him 20 of the then 27 published books for the first of my Dad's birthdays after their marriage. ( The purchase happened around June 1983 - The original series was completed by co-author Uderzo sometime in 1983!!)

She bought the first set of books at Rs. 18 per copy!!!!!!!!! When she bought the rest of the books(i.e. till Book No. 27 - "Asterix and Son") 2 years later, they were going at Rs. 25/copy so if we consider that the paper back edition goes at Rs. 400/copy today, we're sitting on a mini fortune! Today, we are the proud owners of every Asterix comic in print. Here I say "we" because the last 5-6 books  were bought by me - Whenever I happened to spot a new book, paperback or hardbound Id grab hold of it (Though they stopped being as hilarious post "Asterix and the Magic Carpet" - Nevertheless, one must complete a collection once started) - So much so, I'm guessing my mother and I have spent almost the same amount in getting the entire collection!(without getting time value of money into the picure) 

My mother's  favorite story (that she narrates to anyone who cares to listen) is how at one point, the men of her life would sit on opposite sides of the Sofa in the drawing room, each with a copy of Asterix in their hands, and guffaw/giggle/bellow in laughter/snicker at what they read.

Moving on from the trivial details, Asterix is one of the most entertaining pieces of work/art that ANYONE could ever get their hands on. Personally, I believe that it takes the pants of any other comic ever created (Including Mr. Bill Waterson's brainchild... I hope I don't get killed for saying this though!). If an English language translation (from French in which it is originally written) can be SO hilarious, I can only imagine what it must be like in French!

Seen in the figure on the left, Asterix is the little guy in the winged helmet. He is with his inseparable friend Obelix (P.S. MY CHILDHOOD HERO) - the thin guy in the blue and white vertical stripes (He's NOT fat.....His chest has slipped a bit you see!)... They are the inhabitants of a little Gaulish Village in Armorica (Part of ancient Gaul a small strip near the Brittany peninsula) which is filled with these FEARLESS Gauls who's only fear is that the sky might some day, fall on their heads!

 

I wont waste too much time on giving a synopsis of the comic (as Wikipedia has done an exceptional job). However, it must be said that my knowledge about the Roman empire (around the time of Julius Caesar - i.e. Circa 50BC) is above average. According to a very old Hindu newspaper article  (written around 1990), people who are well-versed and familiar with the comic strip are said to have a better idea of that Roman period than students of History who have studied about Rome! This is understandable as almost every book of the series has some tiny yet witty little  reference to Julius Caesar's empire - for instance, in Asterix and Son, when Brutus's evil ploy is uncovered, JC says the immortal line "E tu Brutus..?" - Pure genius!

I recently finished watching an HBO series on this period by the name of ROME. Though this is not a comedy by any stretch of imagination, it is perhaps the best serial I have ever seen (and believe me when I say that I have watched MANY MANY serials in my stay at Mumbai). Having read the Asterix collection (over 300 times each... at least) it made watching Rome all the more enjoyable as I was able to relate the above mentioned "witty" snippets found in the comic to what is actually shown in the serial (and which in fact, actually happened 2000 odd years ago!)

The funniest part of the Asterix comic book set is the NAMES of all the characters. A separate blog can be written on the names alone as they will make anyone with a decent sense of humour, CRY with laughter. On this note, I shall stop by naming some of the Gauls (that I can remember off hand) and hope that this blog makes anyone who hasn't read the comic , READ IT!

Asterix - The main character. All the comics are centered around his adventures along with...

Obelix- The Menhir delivery man! (already introduced as my childhood hero). Would it be reduntant if I mentioned that he loves eating?

Dogmatix - Obelix's tiny little dog

Getafix - The village druid who brews the famous Magic potion which makes these fearless warriors invincible

Cacofonix - The village bard...Has the ability to make milk curdle with his voice..... when its still in the cow!!!

Geriatrix - The oldest man in the village!

Fullyautomatix - The village blacksmith

Unhygienix - the village fishmonger. These 2 are always BASHING each other up. A very common scene in an Asterix comic shows Unhygienix thumping Fullyautomatix with a rotten fish as the blacksmith gives it back with his famous hammer!

Chief Vitalstatistix - The brave Gaulish chief of the village (perched high on the shield of Vercingentorix)

Note: these are only a few of the characters. (as seen in the picture above)

If anyone hasn't read this series yet - WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR????

YUM BEE AYE....

All good things come to an end.... Or that is what they all say.

And like everything else, my MBA course at NMIMS, too, has come to an end. Unlike the Engineering course that I completed from MIT Manipal, I leave NMIMS with a heavy heart. These 2 years have been a life saver - simply magical - for a whole lot of reasons, the biggest being that had it not been for NM, I would have surely committed suicide!!! Most people who know me would know that I wasn't exactly the happiest bloke before taking up this course. (Note: already been extensively blogged about). It is only after one gets a little bit of work experience does one value  "studying" again. I had heard about how difficult it was to get back to studies after money came into ones hands - all bunkum. Not only is it easy, its also more valued!

This being said, the course has also taught me a lot. Having an Engineering degree and a "science background", a whole lot of things that were taught as part of the course were new to me. My friends here who have a commerce background or have done courses like BBM, have already had an exposure to a lot of Marketing/HR/Finance models and basics. So to them, this course might not have been too much of a value add (for some, not more than the value of the paper on which our degree will be printed). Even simple terms/common marketing jargon like "Positioning", "targeting"and "segmenting" (which by the way, form the core of our marketing course) were new to me. So in a way, even though I haven't been placed yet, I can truthfully say that I am now better equipped to face the world.

On the social front, I have made a lot of friends and acquainted myself with a lot of people who I would have ordinarily not known. Due to the diverse background of my class, I have met people from all walks of life from most of the States in India (this is something I didn't get even in an institution like Infosys). 

And finally, I have had an opportunity to stay in one of the most famous places in the World (more so, post Slumdog millionaire) This is the first time that I have actually had hard core exposure to proper "city" life. Bombay can easily be the mascot for Citibank as I truly believe that this city, NEVER sleeps. I wouldn't go so far as saying I like the city (I DON'T!)... but it sure has taught me a lot - given me a sneak-preview of life and how hard and unfair it can get. 

With this, I stop. I am tired...Very tired. With another chapter of my life done, I hope the future has good things in store for me.

SC/ST??? You lucky bum

Probably the most unfair thing about our education system, and much debated as well, is the reservation of seats for "Special Category" students (i.e. SC/ST students) in Government institutions. (I'd like to think of SC as "Special Category" rather than "Scheduled Caste" so sue me if you don't like it)

Sadly, whether we like it or not, the best higher education institutes in the country are undoubtedly the ones that are run by the Government - An irony by itself because I distinctly remember my dear mother threatening me several years ago when I was in half pants,  with "If you carry on like this, I'll enroll you into a bloody Government run municipal school...."...I wish she would say that now. Because if she could have enrolled me into a Government run (B) school, I would have been the most mischevious bloke alive so that she could keep her promise!!

Why I brought up this topic is as follows. 

When I was in school, I had this friend.... or let me say acquaintance (I will not name him). He used to live next to my house so we would board the school van together. He was a smart bloke no doubt.. but all of us in school had been trained to be smart! (ahem ahem).

So as the years passed by, we would make the usual "in-van-polite-chitchat" everyday. Once we had outgrown the school van, we would make the usual "in-public-transport-polite-chitchat" to pass time. Other than that, I would have no social contact with him (In school or at home). Soon, it was time to give our boards (10th Standard) after which I continued to do my 11th and 12th in School while he disappeared (I later found out that he did his +2 in St. Josephs...A decent PUC college in Bangalore) So I lost touch with him. 

When I finished giving my 12th standard boards and the Common Entrance Test (CET) for admission into engineering colleges in Karnataka, I managed a rank of 2300 odd and this got me admission into the Mechanical Engineering Branch at MIT Manipal. It is then when I met this chap again. It was in a bus, so it is norm that you do "in-public-transport-polite-chitchat"to pass time.

Here is how our conversation went.

Me: "Hey dude, wassup? How did you do in the CET?"

Bloke: "Hey, pretty ok man. I got a 1500 rank..." (No "what about you?" mind you...Seriously, did this guy even study in FAPS?)

Me  (Burning a little.. I thought I was better than this guy) : " Oh.. cool man. Good for you... So you must have got Mechanical or Electrical in an average college in Banagalore only right?" (This because I thought he wanted to stay in Bangalore)

Bloke: " No dude, I got KREC -Tronics"

*very long pause... My jaw has hit the ground by now*

Me: "WHAAAAAAT... HOW THE....?"

Bloke (very proudly at that): "I come under SC/ST quota man"....

Ok... Now for a little background. KREC-Tronics refers to Electronics and Communication Engineering (EnC) at the Karnataka Regional Engineering College (KREC, now NIT-K) which is probably one of the best institutes in the country to pursue an engineering degree (On par with the IITs and BITS Pilani). It is the best of the RECs (or NITs) and arguably as good as any IIT. During my time, one could get admission into KREC giving CET. Through CET, if one needed to get into KREC EnC, the person's rank should have been better than 30. (I know a friend who had a rank of 33, who was on the waitlist but eventually converted the seat). To give you a perspective, the year I gave CET, all the "decent" branches (i.e. EnC, Comps, Mech, Electrical and Civil)  filled up by Rank 550.Our man had a 1500 odd rank and he had waltzed into the place!!!!...

He was proud of it. Thats what bugged me the most. 

We, i.e. those who have been brought up in FAPS (Frank Anthony Public School) believe that all are equal irrespective of our backgrounds. You may come walking to school or may be chauffered to school in a Benz; you might be a Mallu from Kerala, a Gult from Andhra, a Konde-mama from Punjab or a Kannadiga localite; You could be fair, dark, white, black blue or (in some cases) yellow.......... But once you enter the gate, you are no different from the next chap. Hence.. the uniform! Now THAT is something to be proud of. Which is one of the reasons why I love my school so much. Nobody cares whether you were in the "General Category" or a SC or ST. The only time you had an edge while getting admissions was if you were an Anglo Indian. That too only a small teeney-weeney edge. But hey, its a private institute and believe me, THEY ARE GENUINELY MINORITIES (and class acts at that). Besides, once you were in, you would caned if you did anything wrong irrespective of your caste, creed or sex. (Gosh.. I miss school :(... )

But this is STILL not the reason for my writing this article. The other day, when I was joblessly orkutting (yes, its a verb now!), I chanced upon this above mentioned acquaintance's profile. When I saw the pictures in his album, my heart sank. He was now in IIM A (I know I'm being a bit unfair to him by not giving him enough credit... After all, he might have got in by merit right?.....!!!!!)

It is a sad thing this caste system. If only my fore father's fore fathers had not indulged in bullying people of allegedly lower castes, I might not have blogged today... 

Pool of drool....

The concept of tagging is pretty new to me so Rach, I hope I do this one justice!

I guess it would be appropriate to start by saying, FOOD is probably one of my BIGGEST loves. Sure I love Brit comedy, Hollywood, Good music, cricket and cars... But food is waaaaay there on top of this list so when I saw Rachana's blog, apart from drooling, I got down to answering those questions in my mind.

Here they are in writing

1) One dish you can crave for any given time of the day/ night/ situation?

I'll have to say GFP (Golden fried prawns) from this small little joint near my place in Bangalore (Called Chung's). These are by far the most delicious objects known to mankind. These little beauties (not really little coming to think of it) are CRISP on the outside, mushy on the inside and need to be dipped in a combo of chilly paste and hot garlic sauce...

Gosh.. theres a pool of drool forming here...Oh.... thats a nice title of this blog.. Here goes ... (changes the title of the blog from "Tagged" to "pool of drool")

2) One dish you'd never had and would love to regardless of the expense?

Mmmmm.... I'd like to try Roast camel...Ive heard its a delicacy in Africa. The meat, I'm told is tough. But with a little bit of spice, even rubber tastes passably nice...

I chose this only cos its so exclusive.

3) Most expensive dish you've ever had?

Lobster Thermidor..... (gulp)......3 grand a portion.. and the portion wasnt enough for the skin of my back teeth..... Thats the kind of meal where one must eat BEFORE and AFTER if he/she wants to feel good. Luckily, this was a treat. I love rich uncles.

4) Most bizarre dish you've ever seen or tasted? Like totally blown your socks off! Makes you gag every single time your lay your eyes on it. (Hope you've got the point by now: P)

Boiled veal in mint sauce.... (pukes).. NEVER AGAIN....

5. Your poison?

Good ol' Budweiser... !!!!!(burp)

6. One a lonely rainy day, your sitting cozily on your sofa, you'd crave for?

KFC........................... (God bless the Colonel)... (sniff)....

7. First forbidden savory you'd crave for while you've been sick?

Creamy chilled portion of Rasmalia... 

8. Your all time favorite TV snack:

Cliched` but POP CORN!!!... Im a huge fan of Popcorn.. Cant see a movie without having popcorn even if the movie is seen after dinner...!

9. On your first ever kitchen experience you prepared:

Egg Bhurji and toast... that took me approximately I and a half hours to make (thats 1 hour for cutting 2 onions and a small tomato and half an hour cooking time)

P.S. It was good....

10. After a tiring day at work/ college/shopping/loitering you'd loved to come home to?

Aloo Gobi, 4 chapattis, a small bowl of Curd, a small bowl of some nice Northie daal and a LARGE mug of Thumbs up...

11. A cuisine your most comfortable with:

Chineeeeeese.... (i.e. Indian Chinese)... Always loved chilly chicken in ANY form (close second to GFP in question number 1)

12. A snack which you loved A LOT back when you were a kid and still love it till date?

Hot Dogs..... (with Mustard Sauce ONLY)

13. A dish which your mum makes/ used to which you simply adore?

Cook Upkari...... All time favorite... In the GFP category for veg food

14. Most expensive dish you ever had?

Is this a psychometry test of some sort? are questions being asked to trip the respondant?

15. What you're eating RIGHT NOW? or had immediately before?

Two eggs, Sunny side up, with 4 slices of toast, 2 slices of Salami and Tomato Chilly sauce (Maggi's).

This was washed down with a cup of South Indian Filter Coffee (aka Kaapi) which was accompanied by a crisp toast with Kissan Jam..... Oh.. and an orange..

What can I say... I love breakfast.

Just when you thought it was all over...BONUS! (Don't cha love em?) ;)*16. Your friends are coming over on short notice. You have half an hour. How would save your dignity by being hospitable and feed your friends? (Considering you can't take them to a restaurant)

Funny this was asked. I had a friend over the other day. A Tam... She wanted to eat some home food.... So in a short span of an hour, I whipped up some Cabbage Poriyal (aka upkari), Aloo Gobi, Rice, Rasam and some papads... oh.. and I bought some curd as well...

P.S. I'm a genius in the kitchen.. LOL...

(Sniff)

I have always laughed at people who told me that they came out of a theatre weeping as I've never understood how anyone could "feel" so much. Even my mother (my OWN blood) carries a pack of hankies with her whenever she sees a movie (on TV or in a theatre).  Initially I thought that it was some kind of a fad or something which would make you "cool" (amongst the girls... If a guy did that, he'd be labled "wimp" for life!).. but then I realised that grown up men too would hold back a tear in some cases. For instance, a friend of mine (name withheld as I dont want to be responsible for him being called a wimp) said he was "moved' when he saw Taare Zameen par... For the life of me, I couldnt figure out what was so sad about the movie but I guess he has his reasons. This is when I realised that everyone has a "threshold-level-movie" at which she/he gets "moved".  After all, I did come out BAWLING after seeing Krish.

Apart from Krish (reasons for my crying have been extensively blogged about), I saw a movie today which moved me beyond a point that I have ever been moved...(phew.. so much for an elaborate justification). The movie in question is ''The boy in the striped pyjamas" - a film centred around the time when Nazi occupied Germany was just about to start WW-II. I wouldnt term it as the best film I've ever seen, but it sure got me "feeling" (and the first one at that). Again, it is clearly a low budget movie without any big star or exotic locations so dont blame me if you dont like the film. The movie is centred around an 8 year old boy (son of a highly ranked Nazi officer), who happens  to befriend a small jewish boy of the same age, who is staying in the POW camp. I wont play spoilsport and blurt out the rest though I must say that there isnt much in the story as most of the scenes have been shot inside a house or at a POW fence. (as seen in the promos pic) But the screen play has been done to perfection. No overacting, no unneccessary melodrama -  just the right amount of drama for my liking. 

The movie depicts the horrors of the Nazi POW camps. Though such attrocities have not been graphically displayed (as in some earlier Oscar winning movies), if one is aware of what happened to the jews during that period, the viewer will suitably shocked! 

The only grouch I have with the movie is similar to one of the MANY grouches I had with slumdog millionaire and that is, the protagonists all have a distinct British accent. Dont get me wrong, I love the accent. But since this was a movie which portrayed Nazis and Jews, a less distinct accent (or an accent that Germans have when speaking English) would have probably increased its effectiveness.

I wont say much more now... Do watch the movie if you get the chance (I think there is a DVD rip on torrents)... I go back to being jobless for now..

Hiel Hitler....

Bangalored....

Interviewer : Since you are a Bangalorean, give  me 3 things that are unique to Bangalore - which defines Bangalore - the reasons why you love Bangalore

Me: 1) The coffee culture

2) The Pub culture (in your FACE Mr. Muthalik)

3) The People...

Interviewer: (Raises and eyebrow) The people? Explain...

Me: Well, to start of with, Bangalore has arguably the most cosmopolitain population in the country. Such levels of diversity can only be explained by the fact that only 23% of Bangaloreans are Kannadigas! They are sweet people who do not force you to speak in the local language (Though in the recent past, there have been some pro-kannada incidents). If you leave autodrivers outside the realm of this conversation, Bangaloreans are accomodating and helpful - on par with the Mumbaites on this factor. I have stayed in Bangalore for around 20 years - I dont know Kannada!

If only.....

It was 2:30 in the morning, 30 minutes before start of play. He switched on the television and turned up the volume. In anticipation of this match, he had slept on the couch all night, or part of the night till then, with the remote close by.
The India-Pakistan-Australia tri series (Carlton and United Series) being played in Australia, was on and India was playing Pakistan. Ravi lived for such moments. Throughout his childhood, he like many others, had been brought up on cricket trivia, facts and figures and little anecdotes which made the game all the more quaint. He knew all about the Ashes, could rattle off the playing XI of the English team that lost to West Indies in the finals of the WC 1979, Andy Flower's Test as well as ODI stats and even Sachin Tendulkar's favorite sweet dish!But hey... so could a million other people right? After all, we were talking about Cricket - A religion in India.

Having heard him wake up, Amitha, Ravi's ever-caring mother got up to see if he needed a snack. "Would you like to eat a sandwich Ravi?" she asked. That was greeted with a grunt which was deciphered as a "yes". No time to talk woman - India vs Pakistan happening. So she set off to the kitchen to make her son a midnight snack. While she was at it, she also put the kettle on to boil so that he could wash his snack down with a hot cup of tea.

Outside the kitchen, some 7500 kilometers away, Mohammad Azharuddin had won the toss and this had made Ravi excited. "We're batting, we're batting", he was shouting, oblivious to the fact that the world around him was in deep slumber. Amitha, visibly annoyed hissed out to Ravi to keep it down. "Shhhh Ravi, everyone is sleeping". So he did.
In 10 minutes, just as Sachin Tendulkar was walking in to bat, Amitha brought out the sandwich and tea on a tray and stood besides Ravi, whos eyes were closed. He was saying a small prayer - A ritual that was followed before any India game. 

"Oh god, may Sachin Tendulkar hit a century today and make India win. May Srinath break Inzamam's teeth and kumble take 5 wickets...."

This being said, he opened his eyes, stood up and groped about for something in the dark as his mom watched from a distance. He finally found his walking stick, flipped it open and deftly made his way to the toilet, waving his stick to avoid collision with any furniture. Amitha wiped off a tear, one of many she had wiped off like that in the past. She placed the plate on the coffee table besides where he was sitting and quietly went back into the darkness of her room.

Ravi was congenitally blind. Yet, cricket was his life. He worshipped the game. 

If only the Indian cricket team could hear that voice whenever he prayed - And those of a billion other people who wished them well. If only that famous start-studded Indian cricket team knew the passion their fellow Indians had for the sport. If only those overpaid professionals understood that a loss in a match was way more than just a few statistics artfully woven about by mathematicians. If only.........

i pods ROCK

I don't know how many people will read this. I really don't care!But this is for anyone who cares to listen

" I PODS ROCK!!!!"

Let me explain this emotion that I have shown.

It just so happens that I was gifted an iPod shuffle for my birthday. At the same time, the phone in my possession happened to be Nokia 5300 (music version - Xpress music - positioned as a phone with portable music). Having used this phone for 5 months, I was under the impression that there was no difference between this and any other music player(mP3 player). After all, it did have 1GB of storage space, awesome earphones and a convenient user interface - Nokia's premium music phone of its day. Why would anyone need anything else?
At the same time, many people have told me that Apple products were overrated. The Mac, the PC.... and even the iPod... I had heard them out.

Enter - i Pod --> this led to something I had never heard in my life - Perfection - the sound of music!My brains were blown out of my skull!!!.... Gosh.. The clarity of sound and the attention to detail, the delicate balance of bass and treble... It was any music lovers dream to listen to music so clear, loud and without distortions and crackling background noises.

Why I write this piece is, last night, before going to sleep, I put my phone for charging next to my head as usual. However, by chance, my phone headphones were lying around. I decided to listen some music before I fell asleep. And since Rock on seems to be the in thing these days, Rock on it was. It took me 20 seconds to turn it off. It was ghastly. After being pampered with such perfection, anything else seemed worse than ordinary.

How can people still throw stones at such a modern marvel?
Sheeeeesh!

Briton? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The British are a funny race. In fact I can easily say that the British are the funniest people alive. The English Football team for example, is the biggest joke on earth, since the previous biggest joke winner (i.e. former England cricket team who's most outstanding feature was Andrew Caddick's ears.)It is only fitting that such a ridiculously funny country has Prince Charles as its figure head... well almost(I deliberately chose Prince Charles here cos he's way funnier than his mum. I almost die laughing on merely seeing the man.....).

Coming to think of it, anything and everything that the Brits have done since the sun set on that Great British Stiff Upper lip, has been a big joke. Rolls Royce, Jaguar, Cherie Blair's contraceptive promotion program(wait a minute, doesnt she have 4 kids?), Prince Charles, Margeret Thacher's hairstyle, their nuclear program(which is made to look like a toy gun arsenal when compared to the Soviet Program in the Yes Minister series), Prince Harry's war efforts, Mad cows, naming hills after Wimbledon's biggest loosers... this list is endless really.

Talking about Tim Henmen and Henmen Hills, another hilarious trait of the British is the way that they hero worship their "Sports achievers" (Read: looooosers). When England beat Australia in the Ashes after close to 3 billion attempts, they wanted to Knight Andrew Flintoff. Huh... When England fluked the Rugby world cup, they ACTUALLY knighted the captain of the team(I forgot the blokes name). In fact Knighthood has become such a joke now (hence getting back to the point of the article) that it wont be long before they start dishing out blue ribbons at souvenier stores. And since we are still on the topic of British stupidity and sports, doesnt it really crack you up when you hear David Beckham's squeeky tone? I can swear on all the British Gods that Posh Spice has a more manly voice! (My apologies to DB fans)

On a very serious note though, the British have really excelled at creating humour. :) . (See... told you that the Brits were a funny race!). What was started by Sir PG Wodehouse in the post war era(when that famous sun I was talking about, just set on the GBE) rubbed off on the theatre industry in Britain giving rise to some of the funniest, most delightful sitcoms ever. As a person who loves good humour, British Comedy has been RIGHT on the top of my "favorite pass time" list. Black Adder, Fawlty Towers, The Monty Python's Flying Circus, Allo Allo.............Aaaargh... another endless list... All very good examples confirming my argument.

One might ask why I suddenly came up with such a ridiculous blog. Well... What can I say... I'm jobless and my Mom's just returned from her holiday. Any guesses from where?...............

Hehehehehe... Right....

BRITON!

An ode to Music - Part I

Have you ever experienced maniacal rage only to be soothed by the sound of Music? Well I sure have and I am still wondering why its taken me so long to blog about something that is so important to me in my life - a funny sort of importance actually... like one of those computer programs running in the background which keeps the system alive.

Like I said, I LOVE music, but have never taken an active part in its creation. Though I've always wanted to learn to play the drums, I have not taken an initiative to do so.
Personally, I like western music created between the 60's and the mid 90s. Before I continue, let me list down my all time 10 most favorite bands (in no particular order other than the first )

1) Queen - My all time favorite band was held together by this chap called Freddie Mercury, who incidentally, happens to be an INDIAN!!! He was born and brought up as Farook Bulsara in one of the Parsee colonies in Bombay.... He is considered to be one of the greatest musicians thtr ever walked the earth

2) The Beatles - Need no introduction! Paul's the dude :)

3) Joe Satriani - The best thing I like about western music is those crazy guitar pieces. This man Satriani, is the best guitarist alive! He makes the guitar cry..... For those who are just starting to listen to Western music, Joe is a recommended option

4) GNR (Guns n Roses)- unconventional rockers with a starking raving mad lead singer who is supposed to be a god damn eccentric genius - Axl Rose is one of those guys who was able to tame the other members in the band who were SUPER STARS by their own right (Does Slash need an introduction?). These guys had THE most extravagant live shows after another of my favorites, Pink Floyd

5) Led Zeppelin - At one point of time, the 2 main members, (Bob Plant and Jimmy Page) were regarded to be the best duo around. Led Zeppelin again, created crazy unconventional music which was very easily identifiable and which began an era of musicians who tried to ape them. Funnily, their lighter songs are so soothing, one wonders how these pot heads could make the other hard music that they made.

6) Pink Floyd - Poetry in the musical form. Their music comes under the genre psychedelic rock and absolutely must be listened to when you're tripping on a happy beer high (or any other high!)

7) Aerosmith - Steven Tyler has a mouth which will put a rubber band to shame! For those who listen to Aerosmith, they will understand what I'm trying to say. Though I dont listen to ALL their music(they are one of the longest surviving bands in the history of music), the songs I do like of theirs, feature in my top 10

8) Deep Purple - I absolutely LOVE the energy that this group has on stage or in their songs. I heard "Highway Star" as a kid and instantly fell in love with the group.

9) Billy Joel - Singer, poet, sex symbol... you name it, he's done it. His "We didnt start the fire" is moving, provocative, amazingly melodious and one of those numbers which you end up humming for the rest of the week when you hear it for the first time.

And last but not the least,
10) Lynyrd Skynyrd - Most people would have not heard of this band but Im certain that everyone (who reads this blog or otherwise) has heard thier "SWEET HOME ALABAMA". SHA is an anthem of sorts but if one likes guitar pieces, then their one number (Free bird) has arguably the best guitar piece ever. A 14 minute track, the lead guitarist just LOOSES it for 9 minutes in the end. A must hear!

This is by no means an exhaustive list. Bands that I really love but missed the list (only cos these were the first 10 that came to mind) are THE WHO, Bon Jovi(esp for Richie Sambora), Stevie Vie, U2, Eric Clapton,CCR, Smashing Pumpkins, Metallica(their lighter numbers), Live, The Eagles, Nirvana, Bob Dylan.........................
In the next part, I shall try to list down all the numbers that I really love and must be heard by people who love good rock music (and not the contemprory trash they pass off as music).

If you havent passed out reading this yet... I apologise for getting carried away!

Confuscious.....the great thinker....

I usually have something in mind before I come online to post a blog. But today I'm blank. So take this as a kind of a warning and leave NOW when you can!!! Hehehe

Like I said, I have no clue as to what I am going to write. Pretty similar to the story of my life coming to think of it. Aaaah.. the story of my life would be a good topic now wouldnt it? ....................... (long pregnant pause)............... Sharks.. there isnt much!

Throughout my life, the choices I have made have always been results of rejecting other options. For instance, I took up Science in Std 11 for the simple reason that I sucked at the arty and commercy (new adjectives please note) subjects. Besides my childhood plans of wanting to become an elephant were not very financially viable (In these days of rising inflation, sugarcane too has its price). The fact that I was rather good at Maths (still am if I have to say so myself..... does anyone hear trumpets in the background?) kind of supported my decision to take up science.

Again, when it came to the time of choosing a career path, I rejected the option of taking up a pure science cos it wasnt cool enough. Medicine was out as I couldnt spell Biyoligy properly.... :D.... and I really dint want to bust my ass studying law. So I took the easy way out -> Engineering!

In engineering as well, I dint seem to have an inclination towards any subject in particular. So I took Mechanical only because the seat was free and I wasnt really enthu about anything anyway. Plus I was exceptional when it came to sketching (again, Trumpets anyone?) so this seemed to compliment my choice

Then I graduated. Dint have a clue as to what I wanted to do. However, I did know that Mechanical Engineering companies were not my cup of tea. And since Mechanical Engineering is an ever green subject, I took up the offer Infy gave me.
This is when everything in my life started going down hill!
3 years of misery led me to grab the first MBA college that came my way(NMIMS) but on retrospective thinking, I do not regret taking up admission here. Agreed, we are not half as good as the IIMs ... but nothing can be worse than doing a job which you are not good at. The pressure is immense cos you know you will never be able to excel even if you try.
There are somethings some people just cant do. My dad cant draw to save his life. My mom wont be chosen to play any sport even if she is the only person on earth..... Similarly, I cant code.


Wow... from where to where this blog came!....
As of now... I really dunno what I want to do in life. Nothing seems to be good enough for me and I dont seem to be good enough for anything. Mid life crisis has kinda found itself a very strong victim... ME....
Counselling from anyone who cares to read this blog, is welcome!

Mothered......

When it was announced that Mommy would be away for a month, I was aghast. We all loved her and wished that she had the best holiday anyone could ever dream of having..... you know.....The change of guard at Buckingham Palace, Westminster Abbey, The Big Ben, Wimbledon, Lords, Hot crumpets and pots of steaming hot tea, Fish and chips, the Stiff British upper lip what?, Harrods, Etcetera, Etcetra AND the other spanish girls.........................................BUT WHAT THE HELL WERE WE GOING TO DO FOR 29 BLOOMING DAYS IN BENGALURU???????

Our first outing to the kitchen was close to disastrous. In our quest for the perfect Sambar rice, a meal which mummy would snap up in 10 mins, we almost brought the house down. It took us close to an hour and a half of bitter struggling to manage this meal - This AFTER she had left everything ready minus the seasoning(read: tadka) in the deepfreeze. As I wrestled with the microwave oven in an attempt to defrost the sambar, my dad decided to cut us a salad. 25 minutes later I figured it out - The defrost function had been conquered. EEEEHAWWW.... By this time, dad had even finished cutting an onion without the use of a band aid strip... What a man.... Bravo!.. We were on course to having our half-course meal

The next challenge was to make rice. So we put our chef's hats on again and put the water to boil. How much rice could 3 men eat? I reckoned about 4 cups. Dad wasnt very hungry... He being a top executive who has seen the world and me being that first class engineer that I claim to be, together redid the math and came to a mutual consensus that 2 and a half cups would be about enough (note: only later did we find Mom's note that we were to use only HALF A FULL small cup if we were really hungry)... I will leave it the reader's imagination as to what happened when we realised that raw rice absorbs water and expands in the chemical reaction that converts it to cooked rice. We dint cook rice again for a week.

Anyway, when we finally left the kitchen 2 hours later(completely exhausted, back pain, head ache and the rest of the jazz), it was closer to tea than lunch. Never the less, we were ravenous. The kitchen looked like two 1500 pound polar bears had just finished fighting for a mate as fur (read: bits of raw and cooked rice) and Sambar pools were all over the place.

It tasted good.......................................... ( Im sure...... to somalian refugees who hadnt eaten in around 47 and a half days......)................. Ahem.... No really.

We were too tired to turn on the washing machine so we retired for the day. It is then when it struck me that MOM IS SUPERWOMAN. She could make that Sambar Rice with a coupla side dishes, finish putting the clothes out to dry, watch her favorite soap opera, exchange juicy gossip with the neighbour, supervise the maid's efforts to clean the house, set the table for lunch, learn her musical instrument(the piano) AND look after us all in that time that we dedicated whole heartedly to come up with the "spread"(in the process seeing to it that the kitchen needed new interior decorating)

Mommy came back last night much to our relief. She made us a simple meal of Rice, Rasam and a side dish(20 mins mind you).... How we lapped it up!

Mumbai.... The Maximum City.

I'm sure that there will be many people after my blood once they finish reading this but I'll take a risk anyway! And for all those people who are used to reading my blogs, this is different in that I'm in a seriously shitty mood.

I came to Bombay, the city of dreams, some 6 months ago. I came here with the impression that I was going to live in one of the most prosperous cities in the world...the Financial hub of the nation... the City that never slept... The Maximum City.... Gosh...the names and captions were endless really....

BOY WAS I IN FOR A SURPRISE.

I landed at the SantaCruz Airport in Bombay and started disliking the place as soon as the auto got out of the Airport premises. IT WAS(IS) A FILTHY CITY. I am told that I traveled through some of the posher suburbs that day, to get to my destination (Andheri) . I can only imagine as to how clean the "not so posh" suburbs will be. Here are some of the things which changed the image that I had in mind and changed them rather violently.

Garbage Bins… A myth

Here, I don’t claim that Bangalore(the city where I grew up) is the cleanest city in the world. There are certain areas in Bangalore where even pigs would think twice before setting camp... But Bombay is something else altogether. It is not an uncommon sight to see an overflowing garbage bin here (and when I say over flowing, I mean that the garbage spills out to almost 10 metres away from the bin which is not really serving its purpose). The stench is unbearable and there are flies all over the place. And this even in posh areas, mind you.

Spit!!!

Spitting is the local pastime

The hygiene level of the people of Bombay seems to be primitive as they spit wherever they feel like. I know that I’m being a bit unfair by generalizing here but you will see red paan pools or thick gooey red blobs all over the roads and footpaths here. In fact, in the area where I stay, I get my daily dose of exercise as I hop scotch my way to college, trying all the time to avoid stepping into a fresh mound of spit(yes yes… not shit…spit).

It hurts and angers me to see people who do not respect what they have around them. (Like I said, I was in a shitty mood so bear with this for a while longer as I vent my frustration on whoever cares to read this)

The Local Trains

Here’s another bit that left me disappointed when I saw it for the first time. I have recently returned from Singapore where I stayed for 7 days. I used the Metro rail there, the pride of the city. I, not to feel left out, shot my mouth off claiming that it was nothing in comparison to the Mumbai local trains (I got weird looks that day and I wondered why). When I visited the Vile Parle station for the first time, I was SHOCKED. I was not that appalled by the crowd(or the spit pools and the fact that it smelt like a public latrine…I was used to all that by then). What I was shocked by was the fact that the whole system was very old and outdated. In the sense…the platform was crumbling at the edges, terribly cracked and eroded in places. Hygiene levels had hit all time lows (Even the ticket checkers were spitting at will) and trains were BURSTING at their seams.(Im assuming that trains have seams here)… Five million people a day….thats more than the population of relatively large countries in the world…that’s the number of people who use the Bombay Local trains everyday. Shouldn’t the Government take steps to make the system a better one? Shouldn’t the Government take steps to instill some pride into the people who use it by telling them that what they have is probably one of the best systems in the world? Shouldn’t the government spend a little more on maintaining the system? These were some of the questions that came to mind almost immediately. And after a 30 minute journey where I got storked (a new term that I am introducing here…I was on one leg for 30 minutes ... not very different from the posture of a stork) I came out visibly shaken and terribly disappointed

Uncovered Drains and nalas

Now is where I get slightly emotional. The reason why I have written this epic is because we just lost a classmate to Dengue fever. One would think that Dengue fever is contracted only in god forsaken places in back-of-beyond Africa where the mosquito population outnumbers the human population a 1000 times over. I was shocked to hear that Dengue fever is very rampant in Bombay during the monsoons. When I kept reading (on daily papers) about the mounting cases around the city, it did not do more that just surprise me. But when one of our classmates passed away in a span of 3 days, this was then when it hit me. Drains, the breeding ground of mosquitoes are open and have stagnant dirty water all throughout the year.

I could write a book on why I hate Bombay so much but I think I’ll just put a lid on it for now.

I hope I have not offended anyone too badly!

As I sit here 30000 feet above the ground, I can’t wait to get to Bangalore. It’s been 5 months since I left for Bombay to pursue another degree. The reason why I’m being so indifferent here is because in these 5 months, I have not changed much and have learnt sweet little from whatever has been done in the MBA course so far. To be honest, I am a bit disillusioned as I expected a lot more from the degree as well as the institute.

It’s hard enough hearing the sly “meant-to-hurt” statements at home very subtly reminding me that I didn’t get into an IIM or the fact that NO management institute in the country can come even close to being in the vicinity of an IIM. Now I’ll have to deal with my own little voice in my head telling me the same thing

5 months ago, I got off the flight with a gleam in my eyes and a spring in my step. NMIMS was a VERY good institute. It was the flagship course of the 90 odd courses that the management offered(yes, you read correct…90… Right from Underwear technology through Ice cream design to an MBA!) They had a 100% placement record and boasted of a 8.5 Lakh per annum average pay package. Being placed in the heart of Bombay, it was in the midst of the hustle bustle of the business hub of the country. How much behind the IIMs could it have been anyway? After all, we were located in a much better place and weren’t too far behind on the pay scales. This is what I had thought.

I maintain even now, that NMIMS is by itself, a very good B school. But there’s something about the place which gets on my nerves. Perhaps it’s the management which is so greedy that they churn out new courses by the hour just so that they can make more revenue without realizing that the institute is not designed for even HALF the present number of students on the rolls. It could also have something to do with the fact that we don’t have a “campus” par se. My engineering was done in (again) a very mediocre institute – MIT Mainpal.(perhaps comparatively, not even as big a name as NMIMS in the B School world) But at MIT, we got fantastic facilities in the form of excellent hostel rooms, numerous tennis courts, Badminton courts, an Olympic sized swimming pool(well almost!...43m) a couple of HUMONGOUS grounds and so on and so forth.

In the first few weeks, I accepted all these aesthetic drawbacks and space constraint issues that the college faced. I mean, the quality of the students was still GREAT right?

But then we had the Summer placement week. Its only when I saw what a struggle it was to get a job. Its another thing that I got placed on day 1(I’m not boasting. I’ll explain) What worried me was that I got 10 rejects before I got this job solely because I have “TOO MUCH” IT experience on my CV. Too much experience….unheard of right? Well, its true and is proved by the fact that I was grabbed by the first IT company on campus(Wipro Technologies Limited). To be very honest, I was kinda hoping that I wouldn’t be sucked back into IT again. But now it seems I might be doomed to be in it.

I’m digressing from the topic here. What I wanted to really bring out with this blog is that if NM is as good as it claims it is, why did I, someone with 33 months of work experience, have to struggle so much to get a job? I asked around and found out that the scene wasn’t very different at the other non IIMs. Slightly better than NM, but not even close to the IIMs. We have been able to place close to 200 people now out of the batch strength of 350 odd. This in 3-4 weeks mind you. From these 200, we have managed only 2 foreign profiles(that to back of beyond Hong Kong somewhere). Compare this to IIM C last year who placed their entire batch of 240 students in 2 days with a whopping 97 foreign profiles!!! 97. Man… how depressing is that?

I know that all is not over till the fat lady sings. But it really hurts to know that we are so far down in the food chain. And all because we didn’t do as on that ONE day when we went to give an exam by the name of a stupid domestic animal.

Life is a bitch.

GARBA........................GE

After a monstrous examination fortnight (refer to my post about me being the next Bhetan Chagat minus 3) and a crazy pardy the night after the last exam, I was juuuust done with a painful Summer placement week(I got placed btw..whopee!!!) . Here I was, harmlessly chilling in the library and catching up with a movie when my friend Neha came and dropped the bomb

"COME FOR GARBA (GE)"....she bellowed(her mobile phone, I keep reminding her, is a redundant object - she really doesn't need one even for long distance calls )

I was slightly alarmed because it sounded like a threat at first and this woman, apart from having the vocal chords of 850 pound grizzly bear in heat, happens to also be particularly violent. So when she said GARBA, I immediately sprung onto my feet in self defence.(fists all balled up, elbows bent, Rocky style). When I came to my senses (hey come on...I was shell shocked) she explained to me what a GARBA was..... Let me mention here that this DID NOT make the situation better.

I dont know if you people are aware of what Garba(ge) really is. But for all those who dont, its the most hideous action of moving ones arms and legs(in unison with other willing people or suckers like me) to the sound of garba(ge) music (read: garbage music) into a sight which might make a normal human being(like me.... no jokes here) pass out when he/she witnesses it. In simple words, its a form of DANCE.

Dancing my dear friends, has always been one area in which klutzy old me has always had a problem. I wouldn't exactly be termed as John Travolta because what gives me away almost instantly when I get onto the floor (*grimace*) is that I just CANNOT camouflage the fact that I have 2 left feet. Its another thing that I do a perfect 10/10 "grease lightening" once Ive downed a couple of beers(just like JTV... Infact he must have picked up his moves from me when I was at Purple Haze or something).

The fact of the matter is, however, that I was stone dry sober. So not surprisingly, my immediate answer to her question or rather statement, was a loud NO... Thats when all the persuading, bribing, threatening, begging, kicking and punching started and me being the nice guy I am (and NOT weak livered as per popular belief) finally gave in. They say you can take a horse to the water but you cant make it drink the water......... If I was for one moment assumed to have equine characteristics and was forcefully dragged to a sewer, the following 2 hours saw the whole proverb being re-written. Not only was I made to drink the water, but was almost drowned in it!
One word to describe my experience

TERRIBLE

To make matters worse, I was looking like one of those lost kittens in a kurta with a flap around my neck(dress code apparently). And when I was told that I had to pay 250 bucks (1/4th of a frigging grand) to enter the place, my heart almost stopped beating. Two hundred and frigging fifty Gandhis.... that could get me 2 full Tandoori birds at Arafa(I say "bird" here because if what I get on the plate at Arafa is a chicken, then I can easily call myself Brad Pitt... I hope the Arafa restaurant owner is illiterate and never reads this blog)
Anyway, like I was saying, the cost for entry was so high because the singer (of the Garbage music mentioned above) happened to be some demi-goddess of sorts. Falguni Patuck or someone. So I took 10 deep breaths and payed up in the hope that it wouldnt be as bad as I had thought it would be......... It was worse.

Imagine 15000 deranged people all in comical garb looking maniacally happy and dancing at the same time. Its hard but try. Thats the scene I saw when I entered.
When I say happy here, I mean ecstatic. So happy that I'm not able to describe it...wait... I'll try.... mmmm... ok.. here goes - one chap I saw there jumping like a monkey was so happy that it looked as though 2 litres of steroids had been pumped into his veins and that he was VERY VERY high on sugar. If he smiled any wider, he could have been arrested. No kidding. And around 1/5th of the people there were like that(if my math is correct, thats about 3000 people.)

It got worse when Mrs Patuck waddled onto the stage and started crooning(croaking) her tunes. Those 15000 people went absolutely crazy. I actually saw one girl crying. I almost went up to her and consoled her but half way there I realised that she was crying like how I would cry if I saw John Lennon performing on stage. With all due respect to Mrs Patuck, I think I prefer the Beatles (Wow... hows that for an attempt at being over-diplomatic?) Doing everything short of putting my hand over my ears(in the fear of getting killed by an enraged fan for insulting the crooning hippo errr... singer), I scrambled to the food counters. I was depressed and I needed something to eat...ANYTHING to eat... I bought something that looked like a vada paav(Have you read my blogs on how much I detest Vada Paav? So you can imagine what I was going through if I willingly went up and paid for a Vada paav).
On taking the first bite, I realised that it was SWEET...A gujarati dish....a gujurati dance.... I almost puked(No offence to the Gujjus here... I love the people but I hate their food)... I begged God to wake me up from the nightmare (Disclaimer: All the events chronicled so far are not entirely true)...................

And 25 mins later it was over!The tradition at the end of the whole farce(which is done around circles made of about15 people) is to finish off with something like a "ringa ringa roses"...only thing being its a little more vulgar sounding. So when 1000 "HUSHA BUSHA WE ALL FALL DOWN"s are done together, the effect is close to 4.5 on the Richter.(this is NOT counting Mrs. Patuck.... gosh... Am I gonna get lynched for this?)

That was that. I had made it out alive!!!!....
So if any one who has read this pays up and goes for a Garba(ge) , NEVER say that I didn't warn you....!!!!

*clap* *jig* *clap* *shake that booty* *clap* *clap* *clap*

Aaaah..and after a long period of hibernation, IM BAAACK FOLKS!
And when I did get back, I found this "tag" from Purnima. Im new to blogging so it took some time for the fact to sink into my thick skull that she meant that I had to actually do something about her request rather than wonder as to why my name was on her blog.

So without wasting more of your time by typing in 4 line sentences, I shall get to it right away.
Before I start,I would like to just mention that the reader needs to be above the age of 18 and mentally very very strong to go through the rest of this mail. Hows that for a disclaimer huh? :P

1. What did you have for breakfast?
Considering the fact that my rear got out of bed at 1:30 in the afternoon, I'll consider this a trick question... HAAAAAH...hows that huh?

2. As a kid you were scared of?
I was scared that I would wake up and find that i had not studied for a test!!! (fireworks at home if I failed...god knows what will happen when they realise that I MAY be a 2 point someone soon!!!)


3. Define the following in one word - (max. 2 words)

Karma - The phrase I used on my mom when I needed her car... mostly it would be followed with a NO from her...(i used more than 2 words.. SUE ME....)

Dictionary - Pillow

Kids - Pains in the butt..(4 words....PPPPPBBBBBBBBBTTTTHHH)

Your PC/ Laptop - Lifeline


4. Something that you crave to eat RIGHT NOW!
Tandoori Prawn ..... slurp

5. The last person you sent an sms to?
My fat friend Neha!!!

6. Memorable Rakshabandhan gift received (gals!)/ gifted (guys!)?
Baaah..... try again

7. What colour is your life? n why? (1 colour only, plz)
Black..... mmmmm... well...not everything is going as planned!

8. You see Dhoni buying a Tennis ball @ a Sports shop near your place... you....
Run out of the shop...cos if his fans come in and see me, I'LL BE MOBBED...(I'm a bigger star!!!)


9. Greatest feeling in the world?
Getting pooped out after a hot game of tennis...I badly need one now!


10. Most disgusting thing that you came across..
mmm...naaah...too many children reading this...:P


11. Your fav serial/ match/ film going on ... when BANG! goes the cable.. you

a. switch off TV, Switch on PC n log in to Orkut/ Yahoo etc.



12. English is a very funny language because..........?

cos I dont get jokes in Hindi or Konkani!

13. Current weather reminds you of...............
A cow taking a piss in the middle of the road... oh wait... did you say "current weather"?


14. Have you ever had a crush on your teacher?
65 year old Anglo Indian women are OLD, WRINKLY, WHITE and too sweet to have crushes on


15. 2 lines about this girl called 'Purnima' .... (plz no, ever gigglin, bit crazy, blogs regularly n all...that she already knows.... something that will make her go 'wow! is that true??'... No flattery, negative remarks accepted, just don't be rude :P, honest answers please!)
Errrrr...... 2 lines...ok... here goes...

I dont
know Purnima much.... Howzzat?
Hehehehehe...but I wouldnt mind getting to know her though...

We thank you Mr. Flintoff

I suggest that we dedicate our World Cup victory to one Mr. Andrew Flintoff...


I even propose that the BCCI should pay 1/4th of the promised 2 million dollars to Andrew Flintoff as a token of gratitude....

3 Cheers for Freddie Hip Hip......